Sex Jokes
What goes in hard and dry but comes out soft and wet? Gum.
What did the penis say to the condom? Cover me, I’m going in.
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69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
A husband says to his wife, "Why don’t you tell me when you orgasm?" She replies, "I don’t like calling you when you’re at work."
A porn movie director complains: "I’m trying to finish writing a script for a porno movie, but there are just too many holes in the plot."
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll? Because Ken came in another box.
A computer nerd guy tells some girl: "You just turned my floppy disk into a hard drive"
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
A couple gets married, and on their wedding night, the wife asks what a penis is. The husband, surprised, pulls his out. She says, "Oh, it’s like a dick but smaller."
The girlfriend dressed up as a cop and told her boyfriend "You are under arrest for being an awesome lover. You have to come with me to bed." Two minutes later she said: "I changed my mind. No evidence. Charges dropped."
If robots could have sex: My connector goes into your USB.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? Phone her and tell her about it.
My wife gave me a handjob the other day using Vaseline. I came three times trying to wash that shit off.
Why did the woman leave her husband after he spent all their money on a penis enlarger? She just couldn’t take it any longer.
